it's been a while........

 

its been a while, i have been bogged down with assignments and work so haven't even thought about my blog. yesterday i took the day off and spent the day writing my last essay of my degree. all i need to do now is edit it and fiddle around with some sentences and i am done. by the 17th of june my exams will be over too....i am counting the days. my degree has been 8 years in the making with a pretty hefty student loan, it will be good to have something to my name. bachelor of health science.

 

i hope when i finish studying to do some more writing and may one day work towards writing a book for people with eating disorders. i listened to kathryn ryan talk to a US dietitian who has just written a cookbook for people in recovery from eating disorders and it is the first of it's kind. i don't think a lot of people realise just how hard it can be to put weight on, both physically and mentally. your mind and body can be very resistant. i have been going through a pretty rough patch and my eating fell completely off track. sliding down the mountain very quickly, relapse doesn't take long. unfortunately the more weight you lose, the louder the voices become. functioning in the world, having a job and writing essays all gets on top of me and then i hit a brick wall. it's hard hearing there is nothing left out there and i need to choose recovery and choose life because it won't happen if life continues the way it is.

 

so i started increasing my food intake again...having my lunch and eating my snacks. its just the little steps which matter. janie has given me some mantras to repeat over and over when the voices take over: "i am a mountain, i am strong" and "i am a star, i am shining". they may sound corny but they are great.