it is nearly the end of my first week working and although exciting, interesting and challenging, i am exhausted. things have been a little tricky when it comes to meals and it has been easy to let things slip abit. my big goal for next week is to get back on track and not let working, stop me from eating and following my road to recovery. for me, the hardest thing has been sitting at a desk for long periods. messages like 'you don't deserve to eat because you haven't done anything' and 'you are big, fat and lazy' has been going over and over in my head which means i feel less deserving of food and fuel.
my wonderful dietitian sarah reinforced to me this week that just because i have a job and i am working doesn't mean i am magically cured or better, and she said i will probably need my treatment team even more. even though i know, she told me once more that 80% of the food we eat is used to make our body function and our brain think. 16 hours a week is also perfect as it gives me time to still focus on things that i need to focus on.
janie wants me to focus on one day at a time and rather than bungy jumping off the cliff or running back down into the cave that i slowly walk down the path of recovery. this is always been something i have struggled with. its either all go or all no! so we are starting with a daily intention, a daily goal and a little increase in my meal plan everyday. it may seem like creeping along but it seems to be the way to go. today dad and i met for an ice cream for afternoon tea- i had a kapiti fig and honey.
what will be the intention for tomorrow?
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