i had a pretty insightful session with my therapist this week and it has really made me think about things. what does recovery mean to me? janie believe engaging with anorexia and its behaviour is like acting with the devil, and recovery is not possible when you continue to dance. she said the girls she has seen recover have had to make a conscious decision that they have had enough. enough of control, enough of deprivation, enough of desperation, enough of restriction and enough of life. every inch of strength, fight and energy is needed to withstand the downfalls of recovery. like i have said before, it is much harder to be in recovery than to live a life controlled by an eating disorder.
reading decoding anorexia by lucy arnold has been a great reality check for me. i often think no, no i am fine, i don't need to gain weight, i can just be like this.... this is my anorexia avoiding recovery and avoiding life. reading lucy's book has made me think about recovery more. she separates recovery into three parts: physical, behavioural and physiological. sadly if i go by her formula i am still in the physical part of recovery but i will get there, slow small steps. anyhow if you can look for the book, it is great and very insightful.
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