the listener article

its been a very long time since i have updated sweet sweet lola, i have been thinking about it but wasn't sure what i should be writing about. my degree is finished, my trip is over and i am in the middle of looking and applying for jobs. i have also had a 'lapse' which has set things back. luckily, i have had regular contact with my dietitian, sarah, who always helps me come back to reality, reassuring me that my thoughts and feelings are very false. so she has got me back on my meal plan with milky drinks, biscuits, bigger breakfasts and a decent lunch. i wish this was all fun and games but unfortunately it brings a whole lot of fear, uncomfortable and irrational thoughts. 

there was a recent article in the listener magazine 'fear of foods' which looked at the benefits of family based therapy instead of inpatient institutionalisation. it talked about a new wave of research which has shown that families in fact increase recovery rates. the some what simple 'task' of the family is to get the patient to eat. initial anger, fighting and wars over food slowly decrease as a sufferer gets closer to their goal weight. it certainly should not be under estimated how difficult and distressing it must be for parents and family members. mum and dad both have said to me they know when my weight drops below a certain point as my whole demeanor changes.

i think the hardest thing for me is to believe in what these people are saying to me. they are people i trust and people who only want one thing for me but at the back of my mind there is a doubt that maybe just maybe something is tricking me. i don't feel underweight, i don't see underweight, i forget all the things that are not normal about me..... 26 year olds don't take 16 pills a day, have sore joints, verge on having osteoporosis and be unable to have a child. this is not normal and not how i want my life to unfold. so to make this change, i need to stick to the plan, ignore the feelings and thoughts, and "surrender" to the beast called 'anorexia".

if you want to read the whole article by Ruth Laugesen  at http://www.listener.co.nz/?p=103218
anorexia turns normal homes into “madhouses”. genes are part of the riddle of this terrifying illness, but a new wave of treatment offers fresh hope.