the curse of body dysmorphia has struck me this week, badly. it is a hard concept to explain as it seems and probably appears completely and utterly ridiculous. however when it strikes it is so hard to ignore. it feels like i am dragging around rolls of fat on the floor after me, that i have enough stomach skin that i could slice bits off and it would still be there and that people must see me and think how disgusting. along with it i feel dirty and repulsive and could spend hours in the shower if i could keeping myself clean. it is so weird and so irrational. it makes eating more and remembering i am underweight and focusing on gaining weight very hard as it feels like the opposite thing to what feels right. this is when you or i need to turn to people we trust for reinforcement and reality checks. i rely heavily on sarah, janie and, mum and dad to do this. it is hard to trust at times but it is essential. so here we go for another week or few days, one step by one step.
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