i noticed today it has been 10 days since i last posted on my blog. so much has happened but i am still managing to do my morning pages, except xmas day. sometimes it is very short or quick but i always do it. im not sure of the benefits but there have been some hard days where i have found myself writing, planning and thinking in my diary. leading up to xmas i started a higher dose of antidepressant which left me with quite frightening suicidal thoughts and feelings. at the time it feels very intense and finding a way out seems much easier than living the life you are. new years is a mixed event for me....i went to the warehouse yesterday and saw lots of groups of young people getting ready for new year celebrations. i thought about some of my new years and i have only once celebrated it with friends, it was the year i went to rhythm and vines in gisborne. it was such a happy time. over the past years i have either spent it in hospital, sitting at home with mum and dad or at ashburn/creds. i hope one day i can have a 'fun' new years again. it makes me sad, really sad.
2013 must be better, it has to be. mum has got me back on my plan today...and so far have eaten the most i have for a while, a long while. i need the strength to support jennie and her cancer treatment.
here's to 2013......
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