yesterday janie said i have been dancing with the other side, taking a little bit of heroin and engaging with the dark side. recovery from anorexia has been described as harder than overcoming a heroin addiction. that need, drive, deception and fantasy which hooks you in when your guards are down. with everything going on i have let my guards down and anorexia found its way back in.....but......yesterday a few things dawned on me which have been absent for a couple of weeks. a plan was made, scheduled 'art,' 'outside' and ' journal' times were made, my meal plan reinforced and the seeds were planted about what i am wanting to achieve were laid. so today is a new day....painting has been achieved, a big morning tea downed and flowers picked from the garden. it all seems fake at the moment and my heart is in my mouth, and repetitive voices are chattering away but today seems better than the others. one step and a time, to get back on the horse.....
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