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today my painting was mostly strokes, up and down, up and down. i find this soothing and calming when things inside don't feel the best. that's what i like about using art in this way- it is not about the end result or masterpiece but more about the technique and process. thank god cause i am not artist. things have felt felt very hard over the past few days and my voices have been very strong, sometimes i wonder if they will ever go away. i do believe this is the hardest place in recovery to be as you are no longer dying or acutely ill nor are you recovered (if there is a word) instead you are in no mans land which can be very frightening, lonely and unforgiving. this is a place where you can go either way.
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