wellness?

one of the hardest things about recovery is that it takes longer for the mind to catch up with the body. as my body slowly changes, clothes get tighter and things begin to repair- the more muddled my head becomes. it is quite normal to say to someone how well you look or your skin in clearer or your hair is so much healthier looking- however for my mind, this is a sign of weakness, failure and at times terror. enough terror to make me run away. to me these positive, caring comments are internally twisted into you are repulsive, you are better and shouldn't be struggling, you are a failure, a waste of space and dont deserve to eat anymore. i often avoid social situations and outings as i am so terrified about what someone is going to say about my appearance. i always breath a sigh of relief when nothing is said and i don't get the up and down look. weight gain is important in recovery but is a very small part of an eating disorder....i would love to have a sign around saying- don't judge me by my weight or appearance. i guess this is a common issue for many people, people who are overweight, get the you must..overeat, be inactive and so on when really nobody has the right to comment, well in my opinion. i know most people who comment on my appearance love me and are pleased i am moving forward........i just wish it wasn't so confusing, muddling and frightening.

lets focus on the poppies!