dad's birthday

it was dad's birthday today, 68 years young. where do all the years go? he is a special man and has done so much for me over the years. especially since i have been unwell. coming and sitting with me, doing scratchies, countless coffees and drives. over the past couple of months, he has been my rock. in the process of buying my little home, he helped me hunt, checked roofs, sorted money stuff out and helped massively doing odd jobs. i am incredibly lucky. so, i thought this bag was rather fitting...

going out for tea is never easy. after being faced with a MASSIVE bowl of creamy risotto with a whole roasted chicken breast, i am feeling rather horrid. i feel fat and disgusting. but when i looked in my mirror as i went for a shower, i saw all the bones in my back. how does this work? how can i see it in mirrors and windows but not feel it or see it when i look down? it is so complicated, so boring, so horrible. i left quite a bit on my plate, i managed the chicken which is something but i feel pissed off with myself that i didn't or couldn't fully 'participate'. i dream of the day when i can just do it, just be normal, just be the old me. i feel sad as the evening draws to an end. what does it take?

at least nana loved it!