i wish i could use this time to do some craft and sewing but i just can't muster the energy- mental or physical. i sit and look at my things and my mind is blank, maybe i could do this or maybe i could do that. a lovely lady (Rachel) brought me around a shoe box of goodies, in it are some small squares of Liberty fabric. they all have that musty smell which goes hand in hand with fabric. i have stuff all over the place and a few of the bags smell the same. 

sleep is another thing i wish i could do during the day- not only does it help bide the time but it is good to rest the body. it doesn't seem to matter how tired i am, sleeping is really hard. i have tried lying on my bed or the couch but it makes my head go wild. its intolerable. at night my dreams (or nightmares) are very vivid and i often wake and worry that the dream wasn't a dream but what has happened. i sometimes need to ask mum..."did such and such happen" the more anxious i am, the more my dreams become irrational. 

i just wish i had a date...so i could plan in my head and prepare myself but no. its a waiting game.