i read this today from a link on facebook, it is about living on the edge of an eating disorder. i think it is a real and frank description of life really and alot of what she said i completely agree with.
i recommend you read it.
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/beating-eating-disorders--three-years-on-8551913.html
I was in a horrible place called 'stuck'. I wasn't moving forwards or backwards in recovery. I wasn't gaining weight, but I wasn't losing it either. I wasn't challenging myself at mealtimes..... I wasn't complacent, but I was tired of trying and motivation had run its course.
Being stuck is a horrible place to be. A good friend of mine is in that place now and looking back, I wonder if it is more difficult to be hung in the balance than it is to be consumed by anorexia and really ill as a result. Anorexia is exhausting, but fighting against it every waking moment for weeks, months or even years and feeling as though you're achieving nothing – that is hard.
Being stuck is not safe. Being stuck means that you are constantly fighting for both sides; for a terrifyingly powerful eating disorder which wants you to cling to it and never let go, and for the part of you that wants to live. Striking a balance between the two might seem like having the best of both worlds: congratulations, you're a functioning eating disordered person, well done! That's not living. It's existing, with the daily struggle of batting off unwanted thoughts and feelings every time you allow yourself to do something you deserve to do; eat, and possibly even enjoy the bloody food too.
Stuck is a torturous place. The most frustrating thing about it is that only you have the power to change it. You can give in and let the eating disorder win, lose weight and still be miserable (because it's never enough) or you can grit your teeth and keep fighting, pushing for something that you hope exists, often blindly.
Beating eating disorders – three years on...
by Ilona BurtonI was in a horrible place called 'stuck'. I wasn't moving forwards or backwards in recovery. I wasn't gaining weight, but I wasn't losing it either. I wasn't challenging myself at mealtimes..... I wasn't complacent, but I was tired of trying and motivation had run its course.
Being stuck is a horrible place to be. A good friend of mine is in that place now and looking back, I wonder if it is more difficult to be hung in the balance than it is to be consumed by anorexia and really ill as a result. Anorexia is exhausting, but fighting against it every waking moment for weeks, months or even years and feeling as though you're achieving nothing – that is hard.
Being stuck is not safe. Being stuck means that you are constantly fighting for both sides; for a terrifyingly powerful eating disorder which wants you to cling to it and never let go, and for the part of you that wants to live. Striking a balance between the two might seem like having the best of both worlds: congratulations, you're a functioning eating disordered person, well done! That's not living. It's existing, with the daily struggle of batting off unwanted thoughts and feelings every time you allow yourself to do something you deserve to do; eat, and possibly even enjoy the bloody food too.
Stuck is a torturous place. The most frustrating thing about it is that only you have the power to change it. You can give in and let the eating disorder win, lose weight and still be miserable (because it's never enough) or you can grit your teeth and keep fighting, pushing for something that you hope exists, often blindly.
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