good vs bad

i've had a few days away at a conference with was very bitter sweet. the normal life of work, a nice hotel with a spa bath and the latest information and on smokefree health throughout the world. with delegates from nz, australia and the islands there was a huge mix of people from all sort of backgrounds. there were doctors, nurses, researchers and other health professionals. the breakfast buffet full of goodies....mini danishes, fresh melon, muesli and ample fresh coffee.

despite the normality of it all, it has hell. times 1000 plus people talking at once in one room plus the 'voices' in my head- it was overload. in the evening when i should have been mingling i walked the streets trying to work out what to eat for dinner, what was too much, what was too much. should i have something or should i not. the longer it went, the harder it became.

i arrived home today in wellington in 100 km/hour winds rolling onto the runway feeling so exhausted and drained. i felt starved and nauseous but worst of all anxious, sad and disappointed with myself. i wanted to be able to manage my 3 days away, being an adult and lap up the treat of staying in a king size bed over looking the city.