another week has gone by and i am not sure what i have achieved or done. although i keep feeling the ground move- we had an emergency/disaster training day at work and we had to pretend we had suffered with a 7.8 quake. after a few minutes of role play, it actually felt real. so lets hope that we won't ever have one.  i feel like i have had a little bit of an internal earthquake the past few weeks and the rumbles are still happening but i hope after today it will start to calm. the stores are restocked and the beams have been put back into place. it must hold this time. it has to hold. the simple fact of the matter is i need to eat, i need to follow my plan and i must stop mucking around. my behaviour affects others and because of it i have isolated myself. i am not living a life, i am simply surviving. so today i need to start anew. i don't want to be sitting here in 5 years still saying these things.