2. exams to go...

the past few weeks have been turbulent and it is only over the past couple of days that i feel more settled and positive about things. janie and i have done alot of work around- 'just doing it' getting on with eating and gaining weight so i can get on with life and leave anorexia behind. this sounds very easy and simple, just eat but it is hard. i manage a day or two of eating well then it falls apart and my thoughts become increasingly powerful and hard to manage. luckily i think, the increase in my medication has helped lift my mood abit, although i am now taking 18 pills a day, it is what is needed at this time to keep going. this is certainly nothing to be proud about but it is life.

 day 2 of eating more and the feelings of fat and wobbliness has set in. my mind is thinking about the next meal which now isn't until tomorrow, and i have bad reflux. all the positives of eating! so tomorrow is day 3....the hardest day. i must keep at it, keep going and stay on track. 

 

i am studying for my two exams at the moment- one is a drug and alcohol paper which looks at treatment, prevention and intervention. over the past few years, i have experienced many different type of therapy and intervention, and lived with alot of people with drug and alcohol addictions. people also often link anorexia and addiction- janie says when i listen and response to my anorexic voice, it is like an addict having just a little bit of heroin. you can not dance with the devil.

 

i only have my two exams to go until my degree is over...i can not wait. this time next month it will all be over, 8 years later. i am not sure what i will do with the extra time which study takes up. i enjoy writing and researching so i think i will make a little project to keep my mind active. it will be more for me though and less directed. i certainly won't miss the essays, tests and exams. i started writing a book at the beginning of my illness and over the years have added to it, so maybe i might get around to working on that more and my work too as the smokefree health promoter helps keep me focused during the day.