change..

i have just been reading a blog by a lady, jane who has a blog called my pear tree house. she has spent the last number of months battling breast cancer. she has now finished treatment and has been describing the feeling of not having treatment anymore. everything she has said about a feeling of emptiness, directionless and even slightly depressed without the structure and something to think about that treatment has brought to her world for the past months. i can relate hugely to those feelings. since leaving ashburn i have had the feel of 'what next and who am i now?' for such a long time i have been defined as something, had something to think about and talk about but now as i move away from it, i feel a huge sense of loss and sometimes grief. of course it is a good thing not been defined as a sick person but it certainly takes some adaptation. jane says every twinge makes her think,cancer and for me, the slight i don't feel hungry makes me fear the return of my eating disorder. she has decided that a focus or a project will help with her mood. so here it goes with my own little list of things: to enjoy the sun when it is out, take it easy at uni, get back into craft, work towards the craft market in december, visit my friend kate in christchurch...so just a few for now. as i think of more i will add them slowly. thank you jane for making me realise i am not alone and those feelings are shared by other in similar situations.

take a look at janes blog www.mypeartreehouse.blogspot.com